The Life and Times of Maya…

I don’t think Mummy’s very happy with me today. All because I spilt apple juice all over the couch while I was trying to grab the phone from her while she was talking to Granny. I just wanted to have my turn! Sometimes if I complain a lot she’ll give me a turn. I make my voice really noisy and say “Ma pleeeeeease” over and over again.

She says I keep making lots of mess but I don’t mean to. Like today I found some of Mummy’s hand cream in a drawer and I just wanted to make my hands smell nice but the cream went all over the rug, the couch and the floor. Mummy was so much angry. She said, “Maya, go and sit in the naughty corner until I’m finished cleaning up this mess you made!” I left the naughty corner after a while to see if she was finished and told her that she was making more mess than I did! She was splashing soapy water everywhere. It looked like so much fun so I asked her if I could have a turn. Her face looked angry and purple. I was happy that it was purple because it’s my favourite colour. Maybe tomorrow I will see if Mummy’s face will be that pretty purple colour again.

My favourite thing to do at the moment is to take all my clothes off, put on some pretty shoes and run around the house. It’s better to take your clothes off when you have on pretty shoes so that you can see them better. Mummy keeps saying “put your clothes back on Maya!” but I don’t want to. Except, I love to wear my pink princess crown and pink skirt that Nana made for me. It’s pink with sparkly silver things on it. I like to wear it every day even though Mummy says it’s dirty and needs to be washed. If Mummy puts on some other clothes for me I just take them off again. I’d rather have no clothes on than ugly clothes Mummy keeps putting on for me. Sometimes Mummy says “I just can’t deal with this today.” Maybe if Mummy wore a pretty pink skirt and princess crown she’d be happy like me.

My Princess Clothes

Look at how cool I look in this photo. I couldn’t find one of my ballet slippers but I thought, one is better than none. I hope you like my sunglasses. They’re not purple but that’s okay. I’m going to ask Santa for some purple sunglasses, purple shoes that go ‘click clack’, some jewels and a beautiful dress. Mummy says that Santa is watching to see if I’m being a good girl so I’ve been extra good. I told Mummy that I hope that Santa could see the big poo I did on the toilet this morning and maybe he’d be proud of me. I told Mummy that when we go to the shops to see Santa I’m going to show him my knickers so he’ll see what a big girl I am now. Mummy said that it wasn’t a good idea and I shouldn’t show my knickers to anyone. I think that’s silly because if Santa can see when I’m sleeping and awake then he’s already seen my knickers anyway!

I tried to tell Zaliyah about Santa yesterday. I told her she should be a good girl or she won’t get a present for Christmas. She said, “Okay Maya.” So I said, “Zaliyah, can I have a turn on your bike?” and she said “No Maya.” So I said, “Sharing is caring Zaliyah!” Zaliyah said some rude words to me then and Mummy and Granny told her off. I don’t know what it meant, and Mummy won’t let me write it here because she said it’s an “F” word and it’s too naughty.

Sometimes Zaliyah and I don’t like to share…here’s a video of us trying to share Grandpa’s guitar..

Sharing is caring

So, Mummy keeps telling me that I have to eat proper food. This means that I have to eat the food that she and Daddy eat and not just bread for dinner. I don’t see what the big deal is. I like lots of things like yoghurt, bread, apples, oranges, ice cream, lollies and my favourite is chocolate. I like nuggets and chips from McDonald’s too. Mummy keeps telling me that there’s chicken in my nuggets and if I’ll eat that, why won’t I eat the chicken she makes? Well, I know that there’s no chicken in my nuggets that’s just silly. Nuggets look yummy and Mummy’s chicken looks too yucky. She always says, “taste some Maya” but I don’t want to. Why should I taste something that looks yucky? Zaliyah likes bacon and chicken and stuff but I don’t. When I was a baby Mummy used to read this book to me called “Prudence the Pretty Piglet”. It was my favourite except when Daddy would read it he would call it “Prudence the Tasty Piglet”. Mummy would get cross because Daddy would say that piglets are yummy to eat. I don’t eat chickens because I think they’re cute and they cluck and why would you want to eat them? It’s too yucky. Sometimes when Mummy forgets to lock the bathroom I go in there and eat toothpaste. It tastes yummy. Mummy says eating toothpaste will give me a tummy ache but I’ve done it heaps of times and it doesn’t! Besides, I think eating chicken would give you a tummy ache because maybe it would cluck inside your tummy. That’s so yucky.

One day Mummy said I had to eat my porridge or I couldn’t eat anything else for the rest of the day. So after a while I got really dizzy and looked sad so Mummy bought me McDonalds.

Yesterday Mummy was talking on the phone to someone about me starting school. I’m excited because at school they have a playground and I love the playground. Today I did a big poo in the toilet and showed Mummy and she said, “You’re almost ready for school Maya” and put some knickers on for me. I got a chocolate but it was only one, so I asked her for a lolly too. I didn’t get the lolly yet so maybe I’ll need to go back to the toilet. I might just sit there and wait for the poo to come out.

I didn’t get to go to the acriroom on Sunday because Daddy’s head was still sore, but Baba came over and brought me 4 kinder surprise chocolates. I quickly ate 2 eggs while Mummy and Daddy were making lunch. Then Baba gave me some of the biscuits she made. I don’t like eating the food Mummy and Daddy make, it’s too yucky. Mummy made pasta and she said, “try some Maya” but it was too slippery and looked like big fat worms. I don’t like worms, they’re too yucky. Mummy says that Zaliyah eats everything and she’ll be big and strong. I’m getting big and strong because I eat all my vitamins, so I don’t see what the big deal is.

The man came to cut our grass yesterday and he knocked on the door. Mummy was still in her pyjamas and her hair was sticking up so she ran into her room and said “shh Maya” because I yelled at her that someone was at the door. She said, “I’m in the shower Maya” but she wasn’t she was just standing in her room making a shh noise to me. I tried to open the door for the man but I couldn’t. Sometimes ladies come to the door with special books and talk about Jesus and Mummy hides then too. I sometimes try to talk to them from the front window and tell them Mummy’s playing hide and seek in her room.

Yesterday Zaliyah came over to play with me. It was fun. We did paintings and glued coloured paper onto a drawing of a turtle. Mummy kept telling us to be careful but it was so much fun to throw the sprinkles everywhere. GG helped Zaliyah to paint and glue because I think she wanted to have a turn too. Mummy should have given her some paper too. Afterwards, Mummy said, “I’m so stressed” and vacuumed up the mess. I love to vacuum and I think Mummy does too because she does it almost every day. Zaliyah is fun to play with but sometimes she plays with my toys and I don’t like that because it’s mine. I pull her hair or sometimes scratch her face if she doesn’t listen. She cries really loud when I do that and then I get in trouble and have to go to the naughty corner. I don’t like the naughty corner, it’s too yucky. One time when Daddy put me there I said, “I’m scared” so Mummy said, “Shame Edin, she can probably see shadows or something.” and she let me come out. I tried to say I’m scared every time now but the last time Mummy said, “Too bad Maya, maybe you won’t be naughty next time.” I’ve been really good now. When Mummy starts to count I usually stop being naughty before she gets to 3. Sometimes if Zaliyah or I are naughty at Granny’s house she’ll give us lollies to stop us from crying.

It’s my Grandpa’s birthday today and I think he’s going to be 4, so I wanted to say HaPpY BiRtHDaY Grandpa!

I had a great day today. Woke up nice and early…mummy changed my nappy, gave me breakfast and I was off to playgroup. We were late. We’re always late. Mummy complains that it’s my fault because I take too long to get myself to the car, but I’ve watched her put that black texta stuff on her eye lids, put cream on her face, check facebook for messages, talk to granny on the phone and spend time fixing her hair in the mirror so it’s really her fault, not mine, for the fact that we’re always late. So I like to stop and point out all the fun things I see on the way to the car. Like some ants marching up the wall, or some new weeds (which really are flowers and Mummy needs to realize this because I keep picking them for her). I love to sing in the car. It’s the best bit about the drive. Sometimes I ask Mummy not to sing because she’s so loud and the other drivers laugh at us at the traffic lights. My favourite songs at the moment are by Lady GaGa. I love “Paparazzi” and “Poker Face”. I can’t always work out the words so I make them up. Zaliyah (my three year old cousin) loves Lady GaGa too. She doesn’t know all the words and doesn’t make them up like me, but she can really dance. She shakes her bottom just like Mummy except Mummy’s is bigger and more jiggly so it looks different. I also like “Single Ladies” by Beyonce and so does my GG. She says she’s almost 90 and she’s still a single lady. I don’t know what it means but when the song comes on she likes to dance to it.

Daddy didn’t work today because he’s got a sore head. I tried to kiss it better but it didn’t work. His eyes got red and watery when I started banging on some pot lids together to make music for him. I think he liked it. Tomorrow maybe I’ll get some of Mummy’s pots and bang those instead. I think Daddy likes it when I make lots of loud music. I like to dance in front of the tv when he’s watching Top Gear. He likes to see me dance because he keeps saying “Please move, Maya” which means he wants me to dance.

I like to sleep in Mummy and Daddy’s bed so every night I get up and go to their room. Sometimes Daddy says he needs his rest so he sleeps in my bed and I sleep with Mummy. He says that I keep kicking him in the kidneys but I don’t think I do. I like to kick his back; I don’t know what a kidney is. I think Daddy likes my room best because I have a flying Tinkerbell hanging from my ceiling, lots of stars and Winnie the Pooh all over the walls. Daddy gets pretty grumpy if he doesn’t get his sleep so maybe I’ll tell him that I’ll sleep with Mummy from now on and he can sleep in my bed. I think that will make him happy.

I really want to start going to school but Mummy and Daddy said that school kids don’t wear nappies and that I need to do all my wees and poos in the toilet first. I don’t see why it’s such a big deal that I still wear a nappy. If I’m not too busy watching tv or playing with my toys (or if I feel like a chocolate) I’ll go to the toilet. Mummy gets really happy when I do wees and poos on the toilet. I always show her my poo when I’m finished and she says, “Good girl Maya”, washes my hands and gives me a chocolate. I don’t see the point in using the toilet unless I feel like a chocolate because I can just do a wee or poo in my nappy and Mummy will clean it up later.

Well, I’m off to bed now. Tomorrow my Deda and Nana are coming over so I know I’ll get some chocolates from them (and I won’t even need to go to the toilet first!). Stay tuned because on Sunday I’m going to the acriroom*. There will be lots of fish, sharks and other sea creatures there. My Baba is taking me and I’m so excited. Baba loves the ocean and so do I.

*aquarium